Where Were You?

IN HONOR OF THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF SEPTEMBER 11th, I ADAPTED AND RE-PUBLISHED AN EARLIER REFLECTION AS MY SEPTEMBER 2011 PASTOR'S NEWSLETTERS.
--------------------------------------

     Country singer Alan Jackson sings a wonderful song that asks a powerful question:  “Where were you when the world stopped turning?” about the events of 9/11/2001.

     Here we are about to face the ten-year anniversary of that horrific day and people will be asked that very same question again: “Where were you when you found out about the terrorist attacks?” Personally, I was in the Patton church office on the phone. The person I called told me about the planes crashing… and the terror. We quickly finished talking and I left to watch the news. How about you? Where were you? And what were your initial reactions? Your first thoughts? What did you do next?

Jackson runs through a series of questions asking what people did next: “Did you dust off that Bible at home?” Did you “Open your eyes and hope it never happened, close your eyes and not go to sleep.” Did you turn off the TV violence, give blood, buy a gun, or go home and cling tight to your family…

You know, this ‘singer of country songs’ is really on to something… we each had choices to make following those events. In the book of Job, the Bible teaches that even when our world crashes around us, we still have choices as to how we respond. We couldn’t control what those terrorists did, but we ARE in control of how WE respond… We make the choice of how we deal with fear and terror, uncertainty and anger, just as we’re responsible for our choices in every other situation in our lives.

As this song says, some people did respond by turning for protection by buying a gun. Others responded by wishing the whole thing had never happened, or being overwhelmed by such fear that they couldn’t sleep at night. Some responded by seeking for ways to help, by giving blood or sending money. Where we lived (about an hour from Shanksville where one of the planes went down), there were some that went to our United Methodist Camp Allegheny to serve meals to the officials and investigators. Some did, in fact, turn to God in prayer, at church, and by reading their Bibles.

Even as Christians, we faced those same kinds of choices didn’t we? We had to choose who to run to, who to talk to and share our feelings and emotions with, and what to do next. And like everyone else, we immediately felt alone… And that’s where we Christians have our first advantage over others; for we believe in Jesus, who is called “Emmanuel,” which means: “God with is.” (Matthew 1:23). People are again asking “where was God?” The truth is that He was there in the planes, He was there in the towers and in the Pentagon. He was there with YOU when you first heard and then walked through those mind-numbing next few days and weeks. Jesus said “I am with you always.” (Matthew 28:20)

Secondly, our protection in this sin-sick world, is never going to be found in guns or more violence. Even our military attempts at silencing this or that particular terrorist will never be completely successful, but God reminds us that He is our “refuge” and our “strength.” He is the “ever-present help” we can turn to in times of trouble and not be afraid. (Psalm 46:1-2)

Third, Jackson’s chorus echoes words of truth we read in the Bible that say “perfect love casts out fear” (I John 4:18)  and of “faith, hope, and love.” (I Corinthians 13:13) Our fear will give way to peace, even in the worst of circumstances if we can get closer to our God; about whom the Bible says “God is Love” (I John 4:8). Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

As we remember the tenth anniversary of that horrific day, let’s go to Him, get closer to Him, read what His word has to say. Let’s pray and talk with Him and feel His peace. In fact, how about joining us on Sunday, September 11th at 10:45 a.m. when we as a congregation do those very things together as we worship Him!

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.”

 (II Thessalonians 3:18)

Another New Chapter...

My stepdad got married last night.

Mom died two years ago after 33 years of marriage to my stepfather, Norman Milne. She was 64 at the time and he was 61. Their marriage (like most of our marriages) had its ups and downs. I was there for that wedding in 1975, and through "better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" they stuck with each other. Norm grew into the kind of husband I still hope to be.

But those vows I heard in 1975 were "until death do us part."

Mom died. Death DID part them.

And Norm, very sad and very lonely, met a beautiful woman, who was also alone, and became friends. They actually laughed together during a time when he wondered if he'd ever laugh again. They talked. She understood the sadness and the loneliness.

They fell in love and on August 28, 2010, they were married.

I have some relatives who were upset that he would marry again. Others who just thought it was "too soon."

I have to admit, it was a tough day for me as one who had been invited to the wedding as part of Norm's family. (It was the first time I've ever cried at a wedding, in fact.) Was it too soon? Was it wrong? Was it disrespectful to my mom?

And as for wrong, his marriage to my mom ended when Mom won her battle against cancer and received the never-ending prize of total and complete healing that can never be taken away. No temporary remission. No short-term healing that would then just make her go through the end-of-life battle again some day as she then lay dying. Mom won! Mom is even now enjoying the presence of Jesus Christ and the eternal life she received when she trusted Him as her Savior and Lord. "... until death do us part." Norm has done no wrong.


In fact, Mom had said before that she was pretty sure Norm would have to get married again some day. (As I recall, she also added something like "He HAS TO have a good woman just to keep him in line!") So it was no disrespect to Mom.

As for too soon, of course it'll always feel too soon! We humans, in our grief, want to hang on to the "way things were" as long as we can... and thus you find some families that can never repaint a deceased's room and end up making a shrine to the dead in their home. It will ALWAYS feel like 'too soon.' But that's just a feeling, not a fact. There is no listing of when would NOT be too soon.

Which of course means that the sadness and overwhelming feelings are mine... and my relatives. WE miss the way things used to be. And I suppose the men in white coats might need to take us away if we didn't. And I know that Norm has many of those same feelings. (It's amazing what you can learn when you stop guessing and gossipping and actually talk face to face with someone!)

Norm has repeatedly talked about NOT trying to replace Mom, but simply to have someone who can be a friend and a companion as he continues to walk on in this life. We haven't 'lost' Grandpa Milne and he hasn't tried to replace Grandma Milne. Instead, he has added a Grandma Becky to the list of people who love us and we too can love!

My presence, in many ways last night at Norm & Becky's wedding, was also a "giving away of the groom" on my part. I acknowledge that Norm is not MINE and required to fit into the box of my expectations and memories of the past. He is his own man. And just as free to live and love as I am.

Was I sad? You betchya! But I was also overjoyed! I am excited for Becky & Norm! May their marriage be happy, honest, and long-lasting!

May God bless, protect, and preserve this new marriage! AMEN!

I have posted pictures (best as I can get on my little Palm Treo and its 'photo/video' features.) Unfortunately, the video has a hyperactive photographer who never did figure out how to sit down and document a wedding, but other than that, the video records the important parts.

From the Pastor's Wife... May 2009

My wife, Gay, penned this month's newsletter article for our church...


It’s Mother’s Day time again. This time last year, I was doing everything I could think of to honor and care for my mother in law, who was dying with small cell lung cancer. Cooking mostly, since that’s one thing I can do well when I am stressed, and she sure did like my soups.

I can remember a time in our marriage when I was afraid to have a relationship with her. We were so different! She liked to smoke; I did not. She liked to drink coffee and talk; I preferred to be alone and play my piano. But we did eventually find common ground. Things like a mutual love for auctions, antiques, and the restoration of furniture, the shared love of Dayton, Michele, Sarah, and Josh. And I came to have deep respect for her ability to paint and to wallpaper. She could turn any home into a world of well matched colors and designs. Although she could not see it in herself, my mother in law had a lot of artistic talent and style.

In that first year, I realized that although I did not have need of another mother, I wanted to have a good relationship with this woman who gave birth to my husband. And in order to do that, I had to learn to respect her ways of looking at life, and seek to understand her perspective when it differed from mine. I learned to drink coffee and to talk! And at times, I simply listened as she shared her sometimes very strong feelings about life and family.

I cannot say that these stages of growth came easily. But I found my role model and inspiration from the book of Ruth. Ruth was the daughter in law of Naomi, a sad woman whose husband and two sons had died while living in a foreign land. Naomi had turned bitter with grief. But Ruth showed to her the meaning of love and friendship as she left her own mother and homeland to travel back to Israel with Naomi, and worked in the fields to provide for her.

It’s never easy walking through the paths of grief and poverty for ourselves, let alone with another. Ruth didn’t have to do it. Her covenant of marriage to Naomi’s son had ended with his death. God blessed Ruth’s choice in the end of the story by providing another husband for her through Naomi’s kinsman Boaz. And through this union came a son, Obed, who was the father of Jesse, who was the father of King David, who was the forefather of Jesus.

As I have traveled through 17 years of our marriage , I have had the awesome privilege of seeing her grow into a beautiful Christlike mother who prayed for her children and grandchildren, faithfully attended her church, and enjoyed having deep theological discussions with her son. Though her body grew more frail through cancer, her spirit and zest for life got stronger with every passing day.

Thanks, mom, for teaching me how to sit, talk, listen, live, die, and hope in Christ for the life to come.

--Gay--

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

During our first year of marriage, I found a picture with a poem, and purchased it for her, hoping that she would feel honored:

You are the other mother
I received the day I wed your son;
and I just want to thank you,
Mom, for the loving things you’ve done.
You’ve given me a gracious
man with whom to share my life;
you are his lovely mother, I am his lucky wife.
You used to pat his little head
and now I hold his hand; You raised in love
a little boy, and then gave me a man.

JOY to the world???

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given...” —Isaiah 9:6a

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. Even the world around us seems to be a little kinder & a bit more thoughtful. Yet I am also aware that a very real part of the Christmas story is remembering how King Herod was nervous about the rumors that there was a baby king out there somewhere, so he ordered that any baby boy be killed immediately. And hundreds of mothers and fathers found their joy over new life turned into the depths of despair and grief over fresh pain. Christmas wasn’t joyful for them. (Matthew 2:16-18)

This year, even as our family celebrates Christmas with Joshua who is growing more excited every day, we also feel the sting of pain as we miss loved ones who’ve died in the past few years. For me, this will be the first year without my mom.

Many others have had these same feelings we’re experiencing. Christmas isn’t the same anymore because a husband, a wife, a parent, a child, or even a close friend is gone now and the holiday is now a stark reminder of what is missing in our lives. We miss our loved ones. We’re not sure if we even want to decorate or celebrate or even go to church… because it hurts too much. Can we bear that much pain? Do we have to? What do we do? How can we walk through this time of joy and peace, when we feel neither? What do we do about the loneliness? What about the questions and the doubts?

As Christians, we turn to the Bible, where we read: "My help comes from the Lord." (Psalm 121:2)

But how can that help come? In the times of grief and sorrow, it may be nice to hear how good God is, and how helpful He can be, but deep down, we need to know how He's going to help us!

First, we can expect to find God’s help as we go to Him in prayer. Jeremiah 29:13-14 reminds us that if we seek God, we WILL find Him. If we want to know His help and His comfort, we have only to ask & He will be with us. In fact, that’s what it means when we call Jesus, Emmanuel: “God Is With Us.”

Secondly, we can expect to find God’s help through the words He's already spoken... in the Bible. For it is in the Bible that we read words like these:
“He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me...” (Psalm 23:4)
“I am the resurrection and the life, says the Lord: he that believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live; and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die.” (John 11:25-26)

The third way we can expect to find God’s help is through his people. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are expected to “rejoice with those that rejoice & weep with those that weep…” (Romans 12:15). God, through his people, weeps with us, even as we grieve… As we surround ourselves with friends and family, even though it might be painful. As we continue to celebrate important times, with important people. As we talk together and weep together about our loved ones, our memories, our doubts, our fears, and our feelings. And a funny thing will begin to happen as we remember together, and weep together, and walk through our grief together… the loneliness will begin to heal and the weeping will eventually turn to rejoicing.

This year, a part of the message of Christmas, for me at least, is a fresh reminder that God wants to be with us… If we’ll let Him. We need to intentionally surround ourselves with God’s people, His Word, and with prayer… For “unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given…” and He is Emmanuel… God with Us!

Gone From My Sight

My Uncle Roddy (Rod Fuller) died unexpectedly on Sunday. I went to attend his funeral yesterday and was asked if I would participate in the service by my aunt. I ended up sharing a poem that I first found when I entered ministry about 12 years ago. This has become one of my favorite, non-Scripture, funeral resources... It is the image that has been most helpful to me...

Gone From My Sight

by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship, at my side,

spreads her white sails to the moving breeze

and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength.

I stand and watch her until, at length,

she hangs like a speck of white cloud

just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says,

"There, she is gone."

Gone where? Gone from my sight. That is all.

She is just as large in mast, hull and spar

as she was when she left my side.

And, she is just as able to bear her load

of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"

there are other eyes watching her coming,

and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,

"Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

Weeping Jesus

Today is one of those "day of infamy" kind of days... Lexington & Concord, Waco, Ruby Ridge, and Oklahoma City. And it's not just today, but the entire week. Tomorrow marks the anniversary of the Columbine Massacre. And now, we add the horror of Virginia Tech.

Today's post was written shortly after our family returned from a cross-country educational field trip in 2002 when I was pastor in Patton, PA. When we got to Oklahoma City it had been a mere 4 months since the September 11th attacks and I was simply overwhelmed by what I saw in Oklahoma City. Here is my pastor's letter from our Trinity UMC newsletter for March during Lent of that year.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

In January, my family visited the National Memorial in downtown Oklahoma City. After we explained to our girls the horrific story of the April 19, 1995, bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building, we began walking through the memorial that has since been built on the spot where the building once stood. I have never been so moved as I was that day.

At each end are huge gates… one representing the moment before the bombing (9:01 a.m.) and the other representing the moment after the attack (9:03 a.m.). And in between those two gates… in between those two moments… was the blast and its aftermath. Each of the lives lost is symbolized by an empty chair bearing the name of one of the 168 victims. Walking around the reflecting pool, looking at the chairs and the remains of the one piece of wall that still stands, I slowly began to realize that the chairs were of different sizes… and I remembered that 19 of those killed were innocent children at play in their day-care center. And I was struck by the horror of it all over again.

At each end of the memorial site stand two church buildings that had also been damaged in the blast. Across the street at the eastern end is the United Methodist Church, which included an open chapel on the grounds when they rebuilt, complete with helpful brochures, healing pamphlets, and even free Bibles, offering the peace of Christ and the hope of Jesus to any who want to leave the terror behind.

Across the street at the western end is a Roman Catholic Church, that commissioned a memorial of their own when they rebuilt: a statue of Jesus, with his back to the grisly destruction, weeping.

Jesus Christ, weeps in the face of such hatred that would be so violent and murderous. He turns his back to such evil and destruction. God cannot stand sin… sin cannot abide in his presence. According to the Gospels, God the Father hid his face from His own Son when He was bearing our sins on that cross so long ago.

Engraved on the gates of the Oklahoma City Memorial are these words: “We come here to remember those who were killed, those who survived and those changed forever...May all who leave here know the impact of violence…”

We need to remember. Especially in light of the unimaginable events that we have since lived through in this past year. Terrorism is well named. For it is terror we feel when faced with these unthinkable, cowardly acts of violence. There is no protection it seems, no hope, no safety, no peace, when faced with terror.

Yet, we are reminded by these two churches, and by the Scriptures, that even though our Lord despises and rejects such hatred, He is never untouched by the pain and the suffering. His back may be turned to evil, but his face is filled with tears of compassion and love. He promises to walk through the darkest of times hand-in-hand with anyone of us who calls on Him and allows Him to bring us His peace and His comfort.

Back here in our church, we are preparing again for the celebration of Easter, reminding us that Christ is victorious over sin and death. But as we journey towards that glorious celebration of His resurrection, we are called to remember his broken body and His shed blood as He turned His back to a cross and allowed Himself to be nailed to it in order to once and for all time purchase our eternal freedom. Since God cannot allow sin into His presence, and every one of us has sinned, we were all doomed for an eternity separated from God… an eternal death. But Jesus Christ, the only one who ever walked through life without ever sinning, took our place… facing death and hell so that we could be freed from that judgment of eternal death. Like when someone chooses to pay off a debt for you that you knew you’d never be able to pay.

In this time of uncertainty, when the terror and fear and sin is so clearly visible, it is time for us to return to the weeping Jesus, and remember His death until He comes again.

Remembering September 11th

Country singer Alan Jackson sings a wonderful song that asks a powerful question: “Where were you when the world stopped turning?” about the events of 9/11/2001. Here we are at the five-year anniversary of that horrific day and people have been asking that very same question again: “Where were you when you found out about the terrorist attacks?” Personally, I was on the phone and the person I called told me about the planes crashing...and the terror. We quickly finished talking and I left to watch the news.

Our foster daughter, Cass, who would be moving in with us in just a couple of months, was sitting in school in the little town of Shanksville… and felt the earth shake when Flight 93 crashed into a field less than two miles from her school…

How about you? Where were you? And what were your initial reactions? Your first thoughts? What did you do next?

Jackson runs through a series of questions asking what people did next: “Did you dust off that Bible at home?” Did you “Open your eyes and hope it never happened, close your eyes and not go to sleep.” Did you turn off the TV violence, give blood, buy a gun, or go home and cling tight to your family…

You know, this ‘singer of simple songs’ is really on to something… we each had choices to make following those events. In the book of Job, the Bible teaches that even when our world crashes around us, we still have choices as to how we respond. We couldn’t control what those terrorists did, but we ARE in control of how WE respond… We make the choice of how we deal with fear and terror, uncertainty and anger, just as we’re responsible for our choices in every other situation in our lives.

Just like this song says, some people did respond by turning for protection by buying a gun. Others responded by wishing the whole thing had never happened, or being overwhelmed by such fear that they couldn’t sleep at night. Some responded by seeking for ways to help, by giving blood or sending money, or not far from here where one of the planes went down by serving meals and making donations. Some turned to God in prayer, at church, and by reading their Bibles.

Even as Christians, we faced those same kinds of choices didn‘t we? We had to choose who to run to, who to talk to and share our feelings and emotions with, and what to do next. And like everyone else, we immediately felt alone… And that’s where we Christians have our first advantage over others… For we believe in Jesus, who is called “Emmanuel,” which means: “God with is.” (Matthew 1:23). People were asking “where was God?” and the truth is that He was there in the planes, He was there in the towers and in the Pentagon. He was there with YOU when you first heard and then walked through those mind-numbing next few days and weeks. Jesus said “I am with you always.” (Matthew 28:20)

Secondly, our protection in this sin-sick world, is never going to be found in guns or more violence… Even our military attempts at silencing this or that particular terrorist will never be completely successful, but God reminds us that He is our “refuge” and our “strength”… He is the “ever-present help” we can turn to in times of trouble and not be afraid. (Psalm 46:1-2)

Third, Jackson’s chorus echoes words of truth we read in the Bible that say “perfect love casts out fear” (I John 4:18) and of “faith, hope, and love.” (I Corinthians 13:13) Our fear will give way to peace, even in the worst of circumstances if we can get closer to our God… about whom the Bible says “God is Love.” (I John 4:8). Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

Go to Him, get closer to Him, read what His word has to say, pray and talk with Him, and feel His peace.

--adapted from "Pastor's Ponderings" by Dayton D. Mix, Trinity UMC, Patton, Sept. 2002