Happy Birthday, Mom!

My mother, Virginia Milne, was born on this day 68 years ago. She died on August 8, 2008. 

In honor of Mom, and my step-father, Norm Milne, I share this picture from one of the weddings our family has celebrated through the years. (Of course, Mom has her eyes closed!)

Another New Chapter...

My stepdad got married last night.

Mom died two years ago after 33 years of marriage to my stepfather, Norman Milne. She was 64 at the time and he was 61. Their marriage (like most of our marriages) had its ups and downs. I was there for that wedding in 1975, and through "better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" they stuck with each other. Norm grew into the kind of husband I still hope to be.

But those vows I heard in 1975 were "until death do us part."

Mom died. Death DID part them.

And Norm, very sad and very lonely, met a beautiful woman, who was also alone, and became friends. They actually laughed together during a time when he wondered if he'd ever laugh again. They talked. She understood the sadness and the loneliness.

They fell in love and on August 28, 2010, they were married.

I have some relatives who were upset that he would marry again. Others who just thought it was "too soon."

I have to admit, it was a tough day for me as one who had been invited to the wedding as part of Norm's family. (It was the first time I've ever cried at a wedding, in fact.) Was it too soon? Was it wrong? Was it disrespectful to my mom?

And as for wrong, his marriage to my mom ended when Mom won her battle against cancer and received the never-ending prize of total and complete healing that can never be taken away. No temporary remission. No short-term healing that would then just make her go through the end-of-life battle again some day as she then lay dying. Mom won! Mom is even now enjoying the presence of Jesus Christ and the eternal life she received when she trusted Him as her Savior and Lord. "... until death do us part." Norm has done no wrong.


In fact, Mom had said before that she was pretty sure Norm would have to get married again some day. (As I recall, she also added something like "He HAS TO have a good woman just to keep him in line!") So it was no disrespect to Mom.

As for too soon, of course it'll always feel too soon! We humans, in our grief, want to hang on to the "way things were" as long as we can... and thus you find some families that can never repaint a deceased's room and end up making a shrine to the dead in their home. It will ALWAYS feel like 'too soon.' But that's just a feeling, not a fact. There is no listing of when would NOT be too soon.

Which of course means that the sadness and overwhelming feelings are mine... and my relatives. WE miss the way things used to be. And I suppose the men in white coats might need to take us away if we didn't. And I know that Norm has many of those same feelings. (It's amazing what you can learn when you stop guessing and gossipping and actually talk face to face with someone!)

Norm has repeatedly talked about NOT trying to replace Mom, but simply to have someone who can be a friend and a companion as he continues to walk on in this life. We haven't 'lost' Grandpa Milne and he hasn't tried to replace Grandma Milne. Instead, he has added a Grandma Becky to the list of people who love us and we too can love!

My presence, in many ways last night at Norm & Becky's wedding, was also a "giving away of the groom" on my part. I acknowledge that Norm is not MINE and required to fit into the box of my expectations and memories of the past. He is his own man. And just as free to live and love as I am.

Was I sad? You betchya! But I was also overjoyed! I am excited for Becky & Norm! May their marriage be happy, honest, and long-lasting!

May God bless, protect, and preserve this new marriage! AMEN!

I have posted pictures (best as I can get on my little Palm Treo and its 'photo/video' features.) Unfortunately, the video has a hyperactive photographer who never did figure out how to sit down and document a wedding, but other than that, the video records the important parts.

From the Pastor's Wife... May 2009

My wife, Gay, penned this month's newsletter article for our church...


It’s Mother’s Day time again. This time last year, I was doing everything I could think of to honor and care for my mother in law, who was dying with small cell lung cancer. Cooking mostly, since that’s one thing I can do well when I am stressed, and she sure did like my soups.

I can remember a time in our marriage when I was afraid to have a relationship with her. We were so different! She liked to smoke; I did not. She liked to drink coffee and talk; I preferred to be alone and play my piano. But we did eventually find common ground. Things like a mutual love for auctions, antiques, and the restoration of furniture, the shared love of Dayton, Michele, Sarah, and Josh. And I came to have deep respect for her ability to paint and to wallpaper. She could turn any home into a world of well matched colors and designs. Although she could not see it in herself, my mother in law had a lot of artistic talent and style.

In that first year, I realized that although I did not have need of another mother, I wanted to have a good relationship with this woman who gave birth to my husband. And in order to do that, I had to learn to respect her ways of looking at life, and seek to understand her perspective when it differed from mine. I learned to drink coffee and to talk! And at times, I simply listened as she shared her sometimes very strong feelings about life and family.

I cannot say that these stages of growth came easily. But I found my role model and inspiration from the book of Ruth. Ruth was the daughter in law of Naomi, a sad woman whose husband and two sons had died while living in a foreign land. Naomi had turned bitter with grief. But Ruth showed to her the meaning of love and friendship as she left her own mother and homeland to travel back to Israel with Naomi, and worked in the fields to provide for her.

It’s never easy walking through the paths of grief and poverty for ourselves, let alone with another. Ruth didn’t have to do it. Her covenant of marriage to Naomi’s son had ended with his death. God blessed Ruth’s choice in the end of the story by providing another husband for her through Naomi’s kinsman Boaz. And through this union came a son, Obed, who was the father of Jesse, who was the father of King David, who was the forefather of Jesus.

As I have traveled through 17 years of our marriage , I have had the awesome privilege of seeing her grow into a beautiful Christlike mother who prayed for her children and grandchildren, faithfully attended her church, and enjoyed having deep theological discussions with her son. Though her body grew more frail through cancer, her spirit and zest for life got stronger with every passing day.

Thanks, mom, for teaching me how to sit, talk, listen, live, die, and hope in Christ for the life to come.

--Gay--

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During our first year of marriage, I found a picture with a poem, and purchased it for her, hoping that she would feel honored:

You are the other mother
I received the day I wed your son;
and I just want to thank you,
Mom, for the loving things you’ve done.
You’ve given me a gracious
man with whom to share my life;
you are his lovely mother, I am his lucky wife.
You used to pat his little head
and now I hold his hand; You raised in love
a little boy, and then gave me a man.

Remembering Mom's Final Chapter

We buried Mom on Friday at the Myrtle Cemetery just outside of Shinglehouse, PA. She had always wanted to be buried in a place where there would be shade... and she is literally under the boughs of the only tree. Josh is standing in about the spot where she ended up being buried. Many of my father's family (on my Grandma Mix's side) are buried throughout the cemetery, including my little brother who died at birth back in 1968.






Mom's pastor, the Rev. Dr. Norman Cox, of the Rixford Evangelical Church in Rixford, PA officiated for most of the service and I preached the eulogy (or message or sermon or naming or witness or whatever you want to call it!) Here are my notes...

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Memorial Service for Virginia Milne
August 8, 2008 11:00 a.m.
Howard’s Funeral Home
Shinglehouse, PA
The Rev. Dr. Norman Cox
The Rev. Dayton D. Mix

DAYTON’s Notes:
When a loved one dies, we expect there to be hurt, and loss, and deep pain. But as Christians, we do more than just grieve and bury our departed loved ones. We don't just gather to "pay our respects."

Sure, that‟s a PART of what we do, but as Christians, we deliberately gather together to do more than that, don't we?

As Christians, we come together to praise God for His promise of new life from death and for His promise of comfort and hope even when we walk through the darkest valleys of life, even the ones that are filled with shadows of death itself. And we celebrate the good life of the one who has departed from us.

This day, in this place, we are gathered because of our mom, our wife, our grandma, our great-grandma, our sister, our aunt, our neighbor, our friend: Virginia Pauline Peterson Milne.
We gather together because of her death, but not really. Because it wasn't in death that we loved this woman, was it?

The reason each of us is here today, for this time, is a reflection of her LIFE, not her death.
In her life, she touched us. In her life, she loved us, she cared for us, she prayed for us, and she gave to us.

These are issues of life, not death. These are the reasons we are here...

Because of her life.

SO I propose we acknowledge that she is gone from us, that she has "died" as they call it, but then let's move on to the reasons we are here. Because Virginia Milne's living out of her life affected us.

With that in mind, the Scripture text I share today is a little different than you might have heard at a funeral before… And yet, as I prayed about how Mom fit into the grand scheme of the Biblical story through the ages that continues right up to now, THIS is the passage that I believe God Himself shared with me about this remarkable lady we are here to celebrate.

READ: Hebrews 11:1-2 (NCV)
"Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even when we do not see it. Faith is the reason we remember great people who lived in the past."

Did you catch that?

Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even when we do not see it.

Mom had a HOPE stone… a token that reminded her that even in the midst of the lousiest circumstances, God never leaves us alone and He offers us HOPE… no matter what.

Even when things got bad towards the end, Mom never lost her hope… She constantly was heard saying, ?It's gonna get better… one way or another… It's gonna get better!?

She was SURE that there was HOPE with God… and she knew that healing and hope were real… even though she couldn't see it right then.

Sort of like being stuck in the cold drizzling rain at noon… You may not be able to see the sun… but the very fact that you can see the rain means that the sun IS out there somewhere on the other side of those clouds.

Well, Hebrews 11 goes on and talks about all of these heroes of faith throughout the Bible… Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses… and more.

So how does this relate to Mom?

Just this, every single one of these people listed in the great Hall Of Fame of Biblical Faith… was messed up…

Look at the people that God called great heroes of faith… Noah (who was a drunk), Abraham (who was a liar), Sarah (who laughed when she heard God‘s crazy plans), Isaac (who picked favorites between his sons), Jacob (who was a manipulative schemer), Moses (who was a runaway murderer who repeatedly let his anger get the best of him), Rahab (who was a prostitute), Gideon (who was a scaredy-cat), Barak (who hesitated when God said to do something), Samson (who was distracted by his temptations), Jephthah (who came from a ‗ad‘ family), David (who had an affair with another man‘s wife and then had him killed), and Samuel (who was great in the church, but didn‘t do very well in raising his kids).

GOD ALMIGHTY lists these same people who messed-up, as being the men and women of faith that we are supposed to look up to, and remember, and follow their example of faith.

If THEY are in that list, then today, as we remember Mom, who would NOT have claimed that she was the most religious person in the world and didn't always make perfect choices, DEFINITELY fits there too!

Because Mom was a REAL person wasn't she?

She was quick to share her real feelings… with pretty much ANYone… She could get angry in a moment‟ notice. She could come up with some pretty down-to-earth commentary on the world around her… whether it be a comment about doing what you sat down to do or get off the pot OR whether it be an exasperated exclamation, something like: WELL, DANG!‟

And if she was particularly animated, she would start pointing a finger at you… with that one sort-of-off-center pointer finger…

John Paul and Laura love telling the story of a time when they had argued or disagreed or something, and Mom kept getting more and more frustrated… and, somehow, as she got madder… they got her laughing… which made her madder still…

Mom was a woman in touch with her feelings. She wasn't perfect… but she was real.

And while we could probably all look back and tell each other some way that she wasn't what we expected or how she somehow disappointed us, we choose to offer our forgiveness for her failings… because she was simply human… just like ALL of us are.

She wasn't perfect.

But like those people in the Bible who were full of problems and mess-ups, and yet turned in faith to God and would later be called a hero of faith… So I believe Mom was as well. We can look to the Bible and read about all those people's real, everyday lives and the way they messed-up and yet still turned to God. Mom may not have been perfect, but there is much that we can learn from her as well.

It took me years to recognize it, but Mom knew Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. She had a deep spiritual hunger that only He could satisfy. She knew Him as a friend she could talk to and as someone she could go to for help. So she wasn't religious… that's OK, neither were most of the people on that list in the Bible either. They weren't considered faithful because they had done a bunch of religious things…

They were considered faithful because they knew God personally. That was Mom. She wasn't perfect, but she knew Him. And because of that, the Bible assures us that she will be with Him forever in Heaven…

And the Bible also says that any of us, who trust in Jesus Christ and allow Him to free us from our past by admitting we‟e messed up and asking God to forgive us, will know Him too!

Mom didn't have it so easy… she once told me that by the 11th grade, when she finally quit school, she had been in 17 different schools in her academic career. Between children's homes and foster homes, she had endured the chaos of constant moves and transitions… so she finally just said, enough. Years later, it would bother her so much that she had never graduated that she would go back and get her G.E.D. and celebrate her completion of high school the same day John Paul graduated from Demopolis High School. I can look at my mom and learn a lesson of going back and finishing the things I gave up on.

Mom taught us that family is a relative term. You choose to be family as much as being related to your family. As a foster child, she had learned that being part of a family wasn't dependent on sharing the same blood in your veins. Her final foster family, the home of Herb & Beulah Fuller, was to be the place that finally felt like home… Grandma Fuller once told me that my Mom had so become a part of their family, that Grandpa Fuller had worked things out to be able to claim her as a part of the family even on the tax forms… but then she decided to get married.

But the Fullers were family now... And Grandpa & Grandma Fuller, along with Uncle Calvin & Aunt Pat & Uncle Roddy & Aunt Wanda, and their families, were some of our closest friends and most faithful visitors. It didn't negate the relationships with the other relatives we were actually biologically related to… we simply had MORE aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents than most of our friends.

Mom also taught us a lot about believing in someone. I remember the early years after Mom & Dad separated, and then divorced. Not everyone she picked to hang out with had their act together very well. Even when Norm finally came on the scene, he… well... still had some rough edges. But Mom had seen the kind of man he could, and would, become… and she believed in who he was becoming… She saw more… She saw the HOPE… And this woman, after three marriages that hadn't worked out, showed us what it means to be committed to someone and stay with them "through richer or poorer" and "for better or for worse…"

And Norm in turn, has taught us what it means "to have and to hold…, in sickness or in health…, till death do us part…"

And I can look back on their marriage and pray that my wife and I can be as absolutely consumed with each other and dedicated to each other as these two have been for more than thirty-three years.

Mom has taught us how to face adversity and sickness as well. She was the most positive person I have ever known in the face of cancer. She faced this disease not as a death sentence, but as one more obstacle that just needed to be overcome. And like Job in the Bible, the disease never did overcome her… She was still who she was inside… No disease could change her.

And Mom knew the God of Hope had promised healing… and she hoped, and she prayed, and she trusted, and she believed.

Some might say, but she died! How can you talk about her hope and healing?

Let me use the words of Hebrews 11…

Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live in this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.
–Heb 11:13-16 (MSG)

Her hope wasn't just in doctors and medicines… Her hope was in the God of healing behind those doctors… And just like there are times that a beginning pianist can really nail a piece of music, there are some musical works that only a skilled and practiced pianist with years of experience can master.

Mom knew that the doctors and medicines we have available are like that beginner musician… pretty good at what they‟e mastered so far… and WAY OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE when it comes to some of the harder and more complicated sicknesses, illnesses, and injuries that the Devil Himself tries to throw at us.

Like those people in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11, Mom knew that ultimately the healing she would have to have would be from God Himself. And there was a possibility that the earthly physicians wouldn't be able to do everything that she would need in order to be healed.

She knew that she knew that God would heal her… and she hoped it would be here, through earthly doctors… but she was just as certain that even if it wasn't that way, she would STILL be healed. Her faith never waivered on that point. The Great Physician had promised… and therefore she had something she could HOPE in… Someone she could Hope in!

But one last thought, before we finish… In the Bible, it says that for all those people who had received the promise… but hadn't seen it completed yet, it also goes on to conclude:

Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours. –Heb 11:39-40 (MSG)

Mom's promise of hope continues in those of us here today… Hope for our marriages, hope for our families, hope for our healing, hope for our eternity… Let's take what she learned by trial and error and through struggle and pain and let's use that which she learned to help us in our lives… because, as Scripture says, we are part of the legacy of her life because we are part of the promise she saw and hoped for.

If we KNOW God like Mom did… if we have admitted that we have had messed up lives and need God to forgive us, then we can know Him! THAT's what we mean when we talk about having faith… or being saved!

It's simply knowing Him! That's faith!

Let's put her faith together with our faith… her life together with ours… and let's see the completion of the promise…

For those who know Jesus as Lord & Savior, we WILL see Mom again…for Heaven is offered to all who ask Him for forgiveness and allow Him to be their Lord.

I look forward to that day when I get to see her again…

For this woman WAS, without a doubt, one of the heroes of faith… Her life, and her faith, have been used by God to form me and help me grow up in as a Christian… and make me who I am today…

and I'm going to miss her…

(PHOTO: My wife, Gay, and my Mom, Virginia, at her church's Mother-Daughter banquet just a couple of months ago. This is about the only picture she ever liked that showed her in her wig)

Prayer Request

The doctors informed us yesterday that there was nothing more they could do for my mother at the hospital. So they released her to go home. Visiting nurses and hospice are our connection to the medical community now. The doctor thought we only had a couple hours but so far she has gotten her strength back a little. The cancer in her lung is NOT gone, and the tumors that spread to her brain have been somewhat controlled by the radiation... but it is her heart that's doing her in. Her heart is simply racing most of the time... sort of burning her out. They tried the medicine that they use for that with other people, but then her heart rate started to have 20 to 30 second stops where the EKG was literally a straight line. So she's at home, and she feels better just by being able to get some rest and by having family home. My brother lives close to her and his daughter, her boyfriend, and my brother's granddaughter are all up from Demopolis, Alabama. My sister got in on Thursday from Montgomery, Alabama with her son. Josh and I are hanging out as much as possible... I'm taking vacation for a while in order to be with her as much as I can.

Please pray for a peaceful end and for healing and comfort in our family.

Status Report

It's been a wild couple of months! By looking at my blog posts you might think I've pretty much dropped off of the face of the earth... I'm still here... just busy and somewhat preoccupied.

We've celebrated Michele's graduation with a great party with our family and some friends coming from some of our former churches to wish her well and even a family from the Corry area who lived down the street from us when we adopted the girls who knew us before we were in the pastoral ministry... that was A LOT of fun!

Sarah left July 3rd for a Leadership Development program (sort of a military school setting) and we finally were able to visit this past week. (It's over 3 1/2 hours away from us!) She's still settling in and adjusting to the different routines.

Josh is finally 'getting it' with this whole potty training thing. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

My mom is going through intensive chemotherapy to deal with her lung cancer... I guess the doctor says they've pretty much wiped it out... now they just simply want to try and make sure it never comes back (as best as anyone can ensure that at this point in medical history). She has a GREAT attitude and has become quite an inspiration for me.

Our church has just come through Vacation Bible School... a joint VBS with the Presbyterian and Christian Missionary Alliance churches in town (along with a stray Lutheran who just wanted to help out). They did SONFORCE KIDS where the theme is centered on the idea that we are all called to be special agents for Jesus Christ. Phenomenal excitement with those kids! (And they even had classes for the teens and the adults!) Last year I got to come each night for their VBS and it was just as wonderful and energy packed. One of the neatest things is to hear some of the music being hummed or sung by kids (and adults) afterwards!

We have finally finished the preliminaries of our building project... Any day we expect to have the permit in hand and break ground for our elevator/entranceway project on the church building. In anticipation, we have been cleaning out storage closets and garages so that we can compact our 'stuff' and be able to get to everything we might need when a whole section of our building becomes inaccessible because of construction. I am AMAZED at how much STUFF can be collected. Thus far, we've filled two huge dumpsters (the big roll off kind)... and of course, we weren't throwing away everything... so that gives you some idea of how much stuff we'd accumulated!

I've now been back to work just over a month and am pretty much back to the full swing of things. Having missed two complete months, I've had A LOT to do in the office end of the ministry, but I have gotten back to some visitation. Part of my problem is that I still get tired easily... so I do what I can and then back off for a little bit and then go again. A couple of times I've simply laid down for a nap when Josh does.

One more note: The Mix family has bought a camper... it's a pop-up style and I get to pick it up later today and we're taking it to Cherry Run Camp for what remains of the 2007 campmeeting. When our last pop-up reached the point where it needed more help than either gay or I could give it, we sold it. That was about 2001. We've tried the tent thing somce then, but with the changes in our health (especially in the sleeping) the tenting just wasn't working. Hopefully this allows us to use our days off and the occasional vacation to get out of the parsonage and "Be Still" and take some "Sabbath Rest."

That's the way things are here...

God & Mom

In honor of Mother's Day, I'm sharing a pastor's letter I wrote in 2002 for the Trinity Highlights monthly newsletter of the Trinity UMC, in Patton, PA. This is especially an important year for my mom and me as we both played the hospital game at the same time... While I was having my kidney out in Pittsburgh, she was in the Bradford hospital diagnosed with pneumonia and suspected lung cancer. We're both home now and reestablishing our strength until we find out what the next steps are for each of us. We have a sort of daily telephone support group going on most days.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

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“As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you…” Isaiah 66:13

Recognizing and honoring mothers has been a long-standing tradition of Methodism. In fact, it was a Methodist woman in West Virginia just about a hundred years ago that rallied the church, and the country, around the idea of setting aside one day a year just to honor moms.

John Wesley himself, the founder of Methodism, was quick to tell how his spiritual nurture and Christian training went back to his mother Susanna who personally modelled and taught what it meant to follow Jesus Christ.

In the past few years, my own mother has moved back North after a couple of decades of living in Alabama, and I’ve had a chance again to get to know my mom all over again. Within the past few months, she’s re-introduced me to some of the more mature relatives on her side of my family tree… folks I hadn’t seen since I was fourteen. And I’m learning something about my family and my mom, about me, and about our God.

You see, as I grew up, my Mom didn’t always attend church, so I picked up an attitude that she wasn’t a “real” Christian and I, of course, believed I was! So I copped an attitude that I didn’t have to listen to her… How wrong I was!

What I’ve begun to learn in the past few years is that, even in my mom’s lowest moments, on her most “down” days, God was still using her in my life… and in the lives of my brother John and my sister Laura. Of course, God was working through her as she cared for us, like we expect a parent would, but God also used her quite often to speak words of truth and guidance to me… even as an obnoxious self-centered teenager who thought he knew it all. And imagine my surprise, as a college kid some twenty years ago, when I began to realize that my Mom was also a great dispenser of spiritual truths as well! And SHE was praying for ME! She actually knew this God I thought I exclusively called Lord!

God has used my mom to teach me so much… about life, about dealing with hard times and lean times as well, about loyalty to those you love… even when they might seem unlovable. But God has used my Mom to teach me about Him as well.

For you see, I’ve come to recognize that our God is loyal to loved ones, even when they make wrong choices, just like my Mom. God is always concerned about the best choices and opportunities for his children, just like my Mom was for us kids. God, and my Mom, finds staying angry difficult because of the love within. And in the same way that I still go to my mom for a listening ear, I can always go to God, who has that same caring and compassion that my does.

And I now understand that in the same way that I so arrogantly thought I knew more and knew better than my mom, that’s the way I quite often have approached God… But the truth is they both have much to teach me… if I can simply learn to listen.

As we celebrate Mother’s Day this month, let’s thank God for them and, if they’re still alive, let’s remind them of how much God has used them in our lives. And how we have learned about the nurturing, mother-like heart of God Himself.

Why God Made Moms (A Survey Report)

I received this by email from a distant cousin who works with me on genealogy stuff via internet. Thanks, Lowell!

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BRILLIANT answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions.

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?

1. We're related

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery

2. Diet You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

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OK... if you're still reading after this LONG of a post, then you need to call or visit or write your mom! Just Do It! Git-R-Done!