Happy Birthday, Mom!

My mother, Virginia Milne, was born on this day 68 years ago. She died on August 8, 2008. 

In honor of Mom, and my step-father, Norm Milne, I share this picture from one of the weddings our family has celebrated through the years. (Of course, Mom has her eyes closed!)

From Caterpillar To Butterfly

My son Josh found a box with a caterpillar magnet in it and asked what it was. So I  showed him my original post from March 2, 2007. Here it is again:

My three year old son Joshua received a package in the mail the other day from our district superintendent. I didn't think this too odd, since she has made a habit of sending birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day cards with small gifts to all three of our kids. However, Josh was the only one to receive a package this time... and I couldn't think of what the occasion might be.

Turns out, it was a visual aid learning devise to help small children understand Lent & Easter! Titled "From Caterpillar To Butterfly," it is a magnetic caterpillar made up of a head (labelled JOY), four body parts (labelled PEACE, LOVE, HOPE, & FAITH), and a tail (labelled PRAYER).

 

Along with the caterpillar comes a child friendly prayer card with an explanation and a prayer for each week.

On Easter Day, you rearrange the pieces of the caterpillar and get a butterfly! What a GREAT explanation of Lent & Easter!

Josh, who absolutely LOVES magnets to start with is enthralled with this gift! He arranges and rearranges it several times a day... In fact, to walk into our kitchen and look at our fridge is almost to see the little caterpillar move around the fridge. (And when he gets 'out-of-shape' I've noticed the older girls reconnecting him back into his all-together caterpillar shape!)

The original posting can be found by clicking here.

Genealogy and Mixed Genes

DID YOU KNOW...
I have another blog called MIXED GENES, in which I share some of the snippets I've discovered as I researched (and still find in current researching) my own family roots.

Check it out!!!

mixedgenes.blogspot.com

Best Birthday Gift-The Gift of Presence

Today, in my genealogical blog, Mixed Genes, I highlighted a landmark from the past; namely, the Haynes' Store in Sharon Center, PA. As I wrote the little bit of narrative to accompany the pic, I found myself reliving Halloweens when we would go to Grandpa and Grandma Haynes' place, attached to their store. Halloween meant receiving a handful (or two) of penny candy from the store, or after they had sold the store and moved into a trailer on my Grandpa Mix's farm, it would be Chicken-in-a-Biskit crackers.

Grandma Haynes (Laura Vivien Meacham, but always called Vivien) taught me how to do a game from her childhood in the 1890's; cat's cradle. She also taught me how to play the card game FLINCH. She helped inspire me to get involved in genealogy, when she would tell me stories about her parents and grandparents. I especially liked the story of how her grandmother, Nancy Ann (Foy) Meacham came over to America from Ireland on a ship and all that she had to do. (You can read more about Nancy Ann Foy here).

HOWEVER, my favorite memory of all is when I turned 8 years old in 1970. It was the first birthday party that I remember having and I believe the first one ever where I could invite someone other than close relatives.

This picture of me, excited as all get out, surrounded by my great-grandpa and great-grandma. Looking at the photo now, I STILL can feel the excitement and joy of that day. I'm sure they gave me a gift to unwrap, but it is their presence I remember, not the presents.

And I remember that one of the names prophesied about Jesus was that he would be called "Emmanuel;" which literally means "God is with us." I think that's why my favorite saying from Jesus is " I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20). He gives us the gift of presence!

OK, so this day has been a serious walk through memory lane. But it's memories like this that help me remember the extreme importance of being there to witness my son in a first grade Christmas play where he just says two lines of about 15 words. And going to Little League practices, and on and on and on. It's simply the gift of being present that makes the difference. A shared memory. A present of time.

And now, I have a grandson who just turned two just last week. He calls me "Poppop." His mom, my daughter, is very conscientious and attentive, for which I'm thankful. My wife and I had that role when she was in our home. But now, like my grandparents and great-grandparents did with me, I'm the grandpa, and one of my roles is to be a giver of gifts, like my grandparents and great-grandparents were for me.

And the very best gift I can give is the present of presence.

AND... by the way, I AM present in this picture behind the camera.

Thanksgiving 2010

This is my Thanksgiving letter for 2010 that's being mailed to family and friends of Reynoldsville's First United Methodist Church.

(clicking on the image should take you to a full size view)

Another New Chapter...

My stepdad got married last night.

Mom died two years ago after 33 years of marriage to my stepfather, Norman Milne. She was 64 at the time and he was 61. Their marriage (like most of our marriages) had its ups and downs. I was there for that wedding in 1975, and through "better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" they stuck with each other. Norm grew into the kind of husband I still hope to be.

But those vows I heard in 1975 were "until death do us part."

Mom died. Death DID part them.

And Norm, very sad and very lonely, met a beautiful woman, who was also alone, and became friends. They actually laughed together during a time when he wondered if he'd ever laugh again. They talked. She understood the sadness and the loneliness.

They fell in love and on August 28, 2010, they were married.

I have some relatives who were upset that he would marry again. Others who just thought it was "too soon."

I have to admit, it was a tough day for me as one who had been invited to the wedding as part of Norm's family. (It was the first time I've ever cried at a wedding, in fact.) Was it too soon? Was it wrong? Was it disrespectful to my mom?

And as for wrong, his marriage to my mom ended when Mom won her battle against cancer and received the never-ending prize of total and complete healing that can never be taken away. No temporary remission. No short-term healing that would then just make her go through the end-of-life battle again some day as she then lay dying. Mom won! Mom is even now enjoying the presence of Jesus Christ and the eternal life she received when she trusted Him as her Savior and Lord. "... until death do us part." Norm has done no wrong.


In fact, Mom had said before that she was pretty sure Norm would have to get married again some day. (As I recall, she also added something like "He HAS TO have a good woman just to keep him in line!") So it was no disrespect to Mom.

As for too soon, of course it'll always feel too soon! We humans, in our grief, want to hang on to the "way things were" as long as we can... and thus you find some families that can never repaint a deceased's room and end up making a shrine to the dead in their home. It will ALWAYS feel like 'too soon.' But that's just a feeling, not a fact. There is no listing of when would NOT be too soon.

Which of course means that the sadness and overwhelming feelings are mine... and my relatives. WE miss the way things used to be. And I suppose the men in white coats might need to take us away if we didn't. And I know that Norm has many of those same feelings. (It's amazing what you can learn when you stop guessing and gossipping and actually talk face to face with someone!)

Norm has repeatedly talked about NOT trying to replace Mom, but simply to have someone who can be a friend and a companion as he continues to walk on in this life. We haven't 'lost' Grandpa Milne and he hasn't tried to replace Grandma Milne. Instead, he has added a Grandma Becky to the list of people who love us and we too can love!

My presence, in many ways last night at Norm & Becky's wedding, was also a "giving away of the groom" on my part. I acknowledge that Norm is not MINE and required to fit into the box of my expectations and memories of the past. He is his own man. And just as free to live and love as I am.

Was I sad? You betchya! But I was also overjoyed! I am excited for Becky & Norm! May their marriage be happy, honest, and long-lasting!

May God bless, protect, and preserve this new marriage! AMEN!

I have posted pictures (best as I can get on my little Palm Treo and its 'photo/video' features.) Unfortunately, the video has a hyperactive photographer who never did figure out how to sit down and document a wedding, but other than that, the video records the important parts.

GO!

“Go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you.” —Jesus, Matthew 28:19-20 (NLT)


One of my foundational, fundamental core beliefs is that Jesus gave us a directive, a COMMAND, to (1) go, (2) make disciples, and (3) teach them afterward.

It’s nice to send a check to missionaries or to specific mission projects; the Lord only knows how desperately they need our checks. But there is even more of a benefit, for us and for them, to GO and be involved with a mission project. By actually going, you can SEE where your money goes AND meet the very people you will help when you do send checks.

Actually going to a mission field, whether it’s Haiti, Uganda, Guatemala, an Indian reservation, a prison, or the mountains of Appalachia, also shows those ones who are being reached in that area that there are people who want to do more than just ‘feel good’ by writing a check… They see that Christians actually care about them! As we interact with them, work beside them, play with them, laugh with them, and pray with them, we send a much louder message than we could ever do with just a pen and a check.

In 1998, my Parade Street and Spartansburg UM Churches sponsored a short term mission trip to Haiti to help build a medical clinic. (In the aftermath of the recent earthquake, it was good news to hear that our medical clinic in Croix-de-Bouquet (just outside of Port-au-Prince) was relatively untouched and was able to be a major resource for offering hope.)

Our whole family went on that trip, including Michele (aged 10) and Sarah (aged 8). Some questioned what good it could possibly do to take children with us. The truth is: they were a major help in at least three areas. First, while none of my family knew anything about laying block, Gay proclaimed that she did know how to frost cakes. So she & the girls (plus Samantha, the 12 year old girl with us) frosted blocks. The kids had ‘fun’ even though it was really hard work under a really hot, August, Caribbean sun.

Second, my girls got to see how bad ‘bad’ can really be. (The average Haitian family makes less than $300 a year!) When we came home, there would be times that this one would want this or that and start to complain, but the talk would turn around when we started to remember those we had met in Haiti. Our trip really taught all of us how rich we Americans really are.

Third, the three kids on that mission trip actually ministered in ways no adult missionary could have ever done. They played and interacted with the Haitian kids and helped to break down the black/white mentality and the rich/poor bias. For us and for the Haitian kids. Those kids, and their mothers who were nearby and their fathers who were working side-by-side with us laying block and carrying stone, all got to see what a caring Christian was like. And the stage was set for the missionaries who lived there to follow up when those families started to get more interested in the gospel later on.

Amid all of the trip pictures of hard working volunteers, absolutely gorgeous tropical scenery, strange looking plants, & scary looking tarantulas, there’s a picture of Sarah helping a Haitian boy blow bubbles. After a couple times of showing him how, she shared them with him and they simply had fun! And the gospel door was opened!

This summer, our congregation has at least two mission trips: one to Webster Springs, West Virginia, and one to Guatemala. And there will probably be several local mission projects as well.

No matter your age (we had one 80-year old guy with us when we went to Haiti) or abilities, we could use your help if you are able to go with us on one of these mission trips. If you’re not able to go this year, maybe you could help with the incredible costs associated with such undertakings. But please try to plan to go on a mission trip maybe the next year.

Not just to help those at the mission site, but also to be in obedience to our Lord’s command (GO!) and to help us learn all that God wants to teach us.

(For more info on mission projects & trips, contact the church office.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COBY!

Yesterday was the very first birthday for my grandson Coby. Because his daddy was going to have to work, and in order to invite relatives from outside of town, they celebrated his birthday on Sunday.

Last night, his mom said they had actually gone to the local park and played for about a half hour. And he didn't want her to push the swing, but rather wanted to do the pushing himself. Independence starts early!

Happy Birthday little buddy!

From the Pastor's Wife... May 2009

My wife, Gay, penned this month's newsletter article for our church...


It’s Mother’s Day time again. This time last year, I was doing everything I could think of to honor and care for my mother in law, who was dying with small cell lung cancer. Cooking mostly, since that’s one thing I can do well when I am stressed, and she sure did like my soups.

I can remember a time in our marriage when I was afraid to have a relationship with her. We were so different! She liked to smoke; I did not. She liked to drink coffee and talk; I preferred to be alone and play my piano. But we did eventually find common ground. Things like a mutual love for auctions, antiques, and the restoration of furniture, the shared love of Dayton, Michele, Sarah, and Josh. And I came to have deep respect for her ability to paint and to wallpaper. She could turn any home into a world of well matched colors and designs. Although she could not see it in herself, my mother in law had a lot of artistic talent and style.

In that first year, I realized that although I did not have need of another mother, I wanted to have a good relationship with this woman who gave birth to my husband. And in order to do that, I had to learn to respect her ways of looking at life, and seek to understand her perspective when it differed from mine. I learned to drink coffee and to talk! And at times, I simply listened as she shared her sometimes very strong feelings about life and family.

I cannot say that these stages of growth came easily. But I found my role model and inspiration from the book of Ruth. Ruth was the daughter in law of Naomi, a sad woman whose husband and two sons had died while living in a foreign land. Naomi had turned bitter with grief. But Ruth showed to her the meaning of love and friendship as she left her own mother and homeland to travel back to Israel with Naomi, and worked in the fields to provide for her.

It’s never easy walking through the paths of grief and poverty for ourselves, let alone with another. Ruth didn’t have to do it. Her covenant of marriage to Naomi’s son had ended with his death. God blessed Ruth’s choice in the end of the story by providing another husband for her through Naomi’s kinsman Boaz. And through this union came a son, Obed, who was the father of Jesse, who was the father of King David, who was the forefather of Jesus.

As I have traveled through 17 years of our marriage , I have had the awesome privilege of seeing her grow into a beautiful Christlike mother who prayed for her children and grandchildren, faithfully attended her church, and enjoyed having deep theological discussions with her son. Though her body grew more frail through cancer, her spirit and zest for life got stronger with every passing day.

Thanks, mom, for teaching me how to sit, talk, listen, live, die, and hope in Christ for the life to come.

--Gay--

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

During our first year of marriage, I found a picture with a poem, and purchased it for her, hoping that she would feel honored:

You are the other mother
I received the day I wed your son;
and I just want to thank you,
Mom, for the loving things you’ve done.
You’ve given me a gracious
man with whom to share my life;
you are his lovely mother, I am his lucky wife.
You used to pat his little head
and now I hold his hand; You raised in love
a little boy, and then gave me a man.

MY GRANDSON!!!

I am now a Grandpa!

Coby was born today at 10:57 am.

About 7 and a half pounds and about a foot & a half long. (He actually has 2 feet!)

I feel... weird. (more than usual)

Michele has been a trooper.

CHECK OUT THE PIX!

First Day of School

Monday was this year's first day of school for Josh... He was EXCITED!!!!

Remembering Mom's Final Chapter

We buried Mom on Friday at the Myrtle Cemetery just outside of Shinglehouse, PA. She had always wanted to be buried in a place where there would be shade... and she is literally under the boughs of the only tree. Josh is standing in about the spot where she ended up being buried. Many of my father's family (on my Grandma Mix's side) are buried throughout the cemetery, including my little brother who died at birth back in 1968.






Mom's pastor, the Rev. Dr. Norman Cox, of the Rixford Evangelical Church in Rixford, PA officiated for most of the service and I preached the eulogy (or message or sermon or naming or witness or whatever you want to call it!) Here are my notes...

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Memorial Service for Virginia Milne
August 8, 2008 11:00 a.m.
Howard’s Funeral Home
Shinglehouse, PA
The Rev. Dr. Norman Cox
The Rev. Dayton D. Mix

DAYTON’s Notes:
When a loved one dies, we expect there to be hurt, and loss, and deep pain. But as Christians, we do more than just grieve and bury our departed loved ones. We don't just gather to "pay our respects."

Sure, that‟s a PART of what we do, but as Christians, we deliberately gather together to do more than that, don't we?

As Christians, we come together to praise God for His promise of new life from death and for His promise of comfort and hope even when we walk through the darkest valleys of life, even the ones that are filled with shadows of death itself. And we celebrate the good life of the one who has departed from us.

This day, in this place, we are gathered because of our mom, our wife, our grandma, our great-grandma, our sister, our aunt, our neighbor, our friend: Virginia Pauline Peterson Milne.
We gather together because of her death, but not really. Because it wasn't in death that we loved this woman, was it?

The reason each of us is here today, for this time, is a reflection of her LIFE, not her death.
In her life, she touched us. In her life, she loved us, she cared for us, she prayed for us, and she gave to us.

These are issues of life, not death. These are the reasons we are here...

Because of her life.

SO I propose we acknowledge that she is gone from us, that she has "died" as they call it, but then let's move on to the reasons we are here. Because Virginia Milne's living out of her life affected us.

With that in mind, the Scripture text I share today is a little different than you might have heard at a funeral before… And yet, as I prayed about how Mom fit into the grand scheme of the Biblical story through the ages that continues right up to now, THIS is the passage that I believe God Himself shared with me about this remarkable lady we are here to celebrate.

READ: Hebrews 11:1-2 (NCV)
"Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even when we do not see it. Faith is the reason we remember great people who lived in the past."

Did you catch that?

Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even when we do not see it.

Mom had a HOPE stone… a token that reminded her that even in the midst of the lousiest circumstances, God never leaves us alone and He offers us HOPE… no matter what.

Even when things got bad towards the end, Mom never lost her hope… She constantly was heard saying, ?It's gonna get better… one way or another… It's gonna get better!?

She was SURE that there was HOPE with God… and she knew that healing and hope were real… even though she couldn't see it right then.

Sort of like being stuck in the cold drizzling rain at noon… You may not be able to see the sun… but the very fact that you can see the rain means that the sun IS out there somewhere on the other side of those clouds.

Well, Hebrews 11 goes on and talks about all of these heroes of faith throughout the Bible… Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses… and more.

So how does this relate to Mom?

Just this, every single one of these people listed in the great Hall Of Fame of Biblical Faith… was messed up…

Look at the people that God called great heroes of faith… Noah (who was a drunk), Abraham (who was a liar), Sarah (who laughed when she heard God‘s crazy plans), Isaac (who picked favorites between his sons), Jacob (who was a manipulative schemer), Moses (who was a runaway murderer who repeatedly let his anger get the best of him), Rahab (who was a prostitute), Gideon (who was a scaredy-cat), Barak (who hesitated when God said to do something), Samson (who was distracted by his temptations), Jephthah (who came from a ‗ad‘ family), David (who had an affair with another man‘s wife and then had him killed), and Samuel (who was great in the church, but didn‘t do very well in raising his kids).

GOD ALMIGHTY lists these same people who messed-up, as being the men and women of faith that we are supposed to look up to, and remember, and follow their example of faith.

If THEY are in that list, then today, as we remember Mom, who would NOT have claimed that she was the most religious person in the world and didn't always make perfect choices, DEFINITELY fits there too!

Because Mom was a REAL person wasn't she?

She was quick to share her real feelings… with pretty much ANYone… She could get angry in a moment‟ notice. She could come up with some pretty down-to-earth commentary on the world around her… whether it be a comment about doing what you sat down to do or get off the pot OR whether it be an exasperated exclamation, something like: WELL, DANG!‟

And if she was particularly animated, she would start pointing a finger at you… with that one sort-of-off-center pointer finger…

John Paul and Laura love telling the story of a time when they had argued or disagreed or something, and Mom kept getting more and more frustrated… and, somehow, as she got madder… they got her laughing… which made her madder still…

Mom was a woman in touch with her feelings. She wasn't perfect… but she was real.

And while we could probably all look back and tell each other some way that she wasn't what we expected or how she somehow disappointed us, we choose to offer our forgiveness for her failings… because she was simply human… just like ALL of us are.

She wasn't perfect.

But like those people in the Bible who were full of problems and mess-ups, and yet turned in faith to God and would later be called a hero of faith… So I believe Mom was as well. We can look to the Bible and read about all those people's real, everyday lives and the way they messed-up and yet still turned to God. Mom may not have been perfect, but there is much that we can learn from her as well.

It took me years to recognize it, but Mom knew Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. She had a deep spiritual hunger that only He could satisfy. She knew Him as a friend she could talk to and as someone she could go to for help. So she wasn't religious… that's OK, neither were most of the people on that list in the Bible either. They weren't considered faithful because they had done a bunch of religious things…

They were considered faithful because they knew God personally. That was Mom. She wasn't perfect, but she knew Him. And because of that, the Bible assures us that she will be with Him forever in Heaven…

And the Bible also says that any of us, who trust in Jesus Christ and allow Him to free us from our past by admitting we‟e messed up and asking God to forgive us, will know Him too!

Mom didn't have it so easy… she once told me that by the 11th grade, when she finally quit school, she had been in 17 different schools in her academic career. Between children's homes and foster homes, she had endured the chaos of constant moves and transitions… so she finally just said, enough. Years later, it would bother her so much that she had never graduated that she would go back and get her G.E.D. and celebrate her completion of high school the same day John Paul graduated from Demopolis High School. I can look at my mom and learn a lesson of going back and finishing the things I gave up on.

Mom taught us that family is a relative term. You choose to be family as much as being related to your family. As a foster child, she had learned that being part of a family wasn't dependent on sharing the same blood in your veins. Her final foster family, the home of Herb & Beulah Fuller, was to be the place that finally felt like home… Grandma Fuller once told me that my Mom had so become a part of their family, that Grandpa Fuller had worked things out to be able to claim her as a part of the family even on the tax forms… but then she decided to get married.

But the Fullers were family now... And Grandpa & Grandma Fuller, along with Uncle Calvin & Aunt Pat & Uncle Roddy & Aunt Wanda, and their families, were some of our closest friends and most faithful visitors. It didn't negate the relationships with the other relatives we were actually biologically related to… we simply had MORE aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents than most of our friends.

Mom also taught us a lot about believing in someone. I remember the early years after Mom & Dad separated, and then divorced. Not everyone she picked to hang out with had their act together very well. Even when Norm finally came on the scene, he… well... still had some rough edges. But Mom had seen the kind of man he could, and would, become… and she believed in who he was becoming… She saw more… She saw the HOPE… And this woman, after three marriages that hadn't worked out, showed us what it means to be committed to someone and stay with them "through richer or poorer" and "for better or for worse…"

And Norm in turn, has taught us what it means "to have and to hold…, in sickness or in health…, till death do us part…"

And I can look back on their marriage and pray that my wife and I can be as absolutely consumed with each other and dedicated to each other as these two have been for more than thirty-three years.

Mom has taught us how to face adversity and sickness as well. She was the most positive person I have ever known in the face of cancer. She faced this disease not as a death sentence, but as one more obstacle that just needed to be overcome. And like Job in the Bible, the disease never did overcome her… She was still who she was inside… No disease could change her.

And Mom knew the God of Hope had promised healing… and she hoped, and she prayed, and she trusted, and she believed.

Some might say, but she died! How can you talk about her hope and healing?

Let me use the words of Hebrews 11…

Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live in this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.
–Heb 11:13-16 (MSG)

Her hope wasn't just in doctors and medicines… Her hope was in the God of healing behind those doctors… And just like there are times that a beginning pianist can really nail a piece of music, there are some musical works that only a skilled and practiced pianist with years of experience can master.

Mom knew that the doctors and medicines we have available are like that beginner musician… pretty good at what they‟e mastered so far… and WAY OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE when it comes to some of the harder and more complicated sicknesses, illnesses, and injuries that the Devil Himself tries to throw at us.

Like those people in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11, Mom knew that ultimately the healing she would have to have would be from God Himself. And there was a possibility that the earthly physicians wouldn't be able to do everything that she would need in order to be healed.

She knew that she knew that God would heal her… and she hoped it would be here, through earthly doctors… but she was just as certain that even if it wasn't that way, she would STILL be healed. Her faith never waivered on that point. The Great Physician had promised… and therefore she had something she could HOPE in… Someone she could Hope in!

But one last thought, before we finish… In the Bible, it says that for all those people who had received the promise… but hadn't seen it completed yet, it also goes on to conclude:

Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours. –Heb 11:39-40 (MSG)

Mom's promise of hope continues in those of us here today… Hope for our marriages, hope for our families, hope for our healing, hope for our eternity… Let's take what she learned by trial and error and through struggle and pain and let's use that which she learned to help us in our lives… because, as Scripture says, we are part of the legacy of her life because we are part of the promise she saw and hoped for.

If we KNOW God like Mom did… if we have admitted that we have had messed up lives and need God to forgive us, then we can know Him! THAT's what we mean when we talk about having faith… or being saved!

It's simply knowing Him! That's faith!

Let's put her faith together with our faith… her life together with ours… and let's see the completion of the promise…

For those who know Jesus as Lord & Savior, we WILL see Mom again…for Heaven is offered to all who ask Him for forgiveness and allow Him to be their Lord.

I look forward to that day when I get to see her again…

For this woman WAS, without a doubt, one of the heroes of faith… Her life, and her faith, have been used by God to form me and help me grow up in as a Christian… and make me who I am today…

and I'm going to miss her…

(PHOTO: My wife, Gay, and my Mom, Virginia, at her church's Mother-Daughter banquet just a couple of months ago. This is about the only picture she ever liked that showed her in her wig)

Prayer Request

The doctors informed us yesterday that there was nothing more they could do for my mother at the hospital. So they released her to go home. Visiting nurses and hospice are our connection to the medical community now. The doctor thought we only had a couple hours but so far she has gotten her strength back a little. The cancer in her lung is NOT gone, and the tumors that spread to her brain have been somewhat controlled by the radiation... but it is her heart that's doing her in. Her heart is simply racing most of the time... sort of burning her out. They tried the medicine that they use for that with other people, but then her heart rate started to have 20 to 30 second stops where the EKG was literally a straight line. So she's at home, and she feels better just by being able to get some rest and by having family home. My brother lives close to her and his daughter, her boyfriend, and my brother's granddaughter are all up from Demopolis, Alabama. My sister got in on Thursday from Montgomery, Alabama with her son. Josh and I are hanging out as much as possible... I'm taking vacation for a while in order to be with her as much as I can.

Please pray for a peaceful end and for healing and comfort in our family.

Can Two Walk Together...?

“Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” — Amos 3:3, The MESSAGE

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” — Amos 3:3, KJV

During February, the world around us looks to Valentine’s Day and focuses on romantic love. I think back to 1991 when I was still planning on asking Gay to marry me… I knew what I wanted… that we be husband and wife... but it wouldn’t work unless she said “YES.” She had to agree or else we could not walk together through the rest of our lives.

And since she had point blank said NO when I asked the first time in 1983, I wasn’t absolutely sure how the night would go. (Actually, she emphatically said: “It’s nice to be that special someone, but it’ll never happen!”) She was heading for college and I still was trying to find out what I was going to do (and trying to avoid anything to do with ministry!) Seven years would pass with her graduating college and getting a teaching job, while I went to whatever job I could, in whatever town I could find it, in order to “find myself.” We could not walk “hand in hand” because we weren’t “going to the same place.”

Tonight, when I stumbled onto this passage from Amos, I mentally traveled back in time to 1991. I had moved to Corry where she was a music teacher and I was a youth director for one of the United Methodist churches. We had now been friends for 13 years and God had done much in directing and guiding each one of us and I was almost done with my undergraduate degree. For six months now, we had been hanging out and talking, visiting and doing stuff together… not dating, but just being friends… talking, laughing, and spending time together.

I asked her dad if I could ask her to marry me, I bought a ring, and proudly showed everyone I knew… except her. And I went to her house and “popped the question.” The nervousness I had, the suspense between my asking and her responding, the almost heart-bursting jubilation, joy, and excitement when she finally said “Yes” are still with me.

All of those memories reminded me how invested and interested I was in being on exactly the same page as she was. I hung on her every word… especially that three letter word: “Yes”.

But as I reflected on this Bible verse more, I could sense the Lord saying there was at least one more application of life-giving blessing in this passage for us this February… not just romantically walking together but also our walk together with Christ. Jesus came and invited us, the church, to be his “bride.” Each of us, individually, are asked to be his and to make him our own. He has popped the question and waits for each of us to respond. How can we walk together for all of eternity if we’re not agreed? How can we walk together if we’re going to the same place?

Just like my asking Gay to marry me, if she had not agreed, or hadn’t bothered to even respond, then there would have been no wedding and no walking together… Not because I didn’t ask and invite, but because of her lack of positive response. And NO response IS a response.

When it comes to Gay and me this second time I asked, eight years later... she did say yes, and we were married May 18, 1991. I’m certain she has often thought that “this wasn’t what I thought I was signing on for” as we’ve faced difficulties and moves and illnesses. She had even warned me on the night she accepted my proposal that she had no intention of ever moving from place to place to place. But she had weighed her choices, she made her decision, and she has faithfully stuck by me through thick and thin, change after change after change…

And because she also said YES to Christ, when my call to pastoral ministry became clear, she did end up moving with me… although I think that was a sign of her love for Christ even more than me! Almost 17 years later, we still walk together… because we daily choose to say yes to each other again… one more time… for another day… and we say yes to Him one more time, for another day.

How about you and Christ? He’s asked and invited. Have you responded? He’s waiting for a decision… and hesitating or not giving a response IS a response just as clearly as if you’d said NO.

Are you walking with Christ?

Gone From My Sight

My Uncle Roddy (Rod Fuller) died unexpectedly on Sunday. I went to attend his funeral yesterday and was asked if I would participate in the service by my aunt. I ended up sharing a poem that I first found when I entered ministry about 12 years ago. This has become one of my favorite, non-Scripture, funeral resources... It is the image that has been most helpful to me...

Gone From My Sight

by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship, at my side,

spreads her white sails to the moving breeze

and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength.

I stand and watch her until, at length,

she hangs like a speck of white cloud

just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says,

"There, she is gone."

Gone where? Gone from my sight. That is all.

She is just as large in mast, hull and spar

as she was when she left my side.

And, she is just as able to bear her load

of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"

there are other eyes watching her coming,

and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,

"Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

A New Start...

Yesterday, Josh got to start school for the first time yesterday. We have a new pre-school program in our district and we went and visited on Tuesday and then he started on Wednesday.

Of course, my son has never had to line up before... and as Gay dropped him off for school the teachers were getting the kids lined up to go to the bathroom to wash their hands... and she heard Josh declare: "I'M FEELING GWUMPEE!"

The teacher later told me that he declared he was "ANGWEE" when he couldn't keep playing at the sand table. She wonderfully dealt with it and he was happy again in no time.

One of the problems I feel I had as I was growing up was that I never really learned how to express what I was really feeling inside (appropriately at least). I guess our goal of teaching him to identify and express emotion is working! (Now, how about tying shoes or picking up toys???!!!)

A Year To Be Thankful

“… So I will go about Your altar, O Lord, that I may proclaim with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all Your wondrous works.” —Psalm 26:7 (NKJV)

At this time last year, I was oblivious to the fact that a cancerous tumor had invaded my left kidney and had already begun the process of killing me. But a sudden kidney stone attack in the other kidney forced me to the ER where a visiting urologist just happened to be on duty… and he just happened to notice a shadow on the cat scan that prompted him to do further testing. And because of several of those “just happened” kinds of moments, the surgeons were able to remove that affected kidney and effectively killed what turned out to be a rare form of kidney cancer before it ever made it out of the collecting duct tubule where it had implanted itself. We caught it so early that I didn’t even have to do chemotherapy or radiation treatments.

Most of you already know that story. In fact, many of those who read this letter were actually ones who were actively praying for me as I went through this process. You prayed, you called, you visited, you wrote. And again, I thank you. You can’t possibly know how much healing came into my life and my family just through your love and care. I truly thank God for this congregation.

Now for the challenge that you look for in a reflection like this… As I remembered this past year, and all of the seeming coincidences and “just happened” kinds of moments, I marvel at how God was quietly working behind the scenes. In the same way that God sort of egged on Satan in the book of Job, and Job then endured testing and trials, I see a similarity here. Yes, God allowed Job to be tested by Satan, but only because He knew that Job could “pass the test.” Satan wasn’t permitted to lay a finger on Job until God knew for certain that Job would be able to face the trial of his faith successfully.

In the same way, it seems that somehow Satan got permission to afflict my body with that tumor… I hope I dealt with it as successfully and graciously as Job did with his trials. But it hit me… God set me up to find out about it. I shouldn’t have known it was there until a week or two before I died. And there would have been nothing I could have done at that point. But here I am. God set me up with the right doctor visiting at the right hospital at the right time to treat the presenting problem of a kidney stone AND to spot the secret tumor. Coincidence? I think not! God set me up!

I’m not the only one to experience this phenomenon, am I? I’ve heard different ones share stories about how there seemed to be coincidence after coincidence in their life, and they recognized it was simply God, behind the scenes, setting them up for blessings!

In the scripture passage above, the psalmist goes to the altar. Old Testament worship suggests that when they would go to the altar they presented a gift to God. And then, with the “voice of thanksgiving” he goes out to proclaim all the wondrous works God has done in his life. This year, I’m following the example of this psalmist. I’m making a special Thanks Offering and then going out and sharing how awesome our God is… and how much we can trust Him and lean on Him… in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.

How about you? How has God been working in your life? How can you offer Him thanks? How can you share the good news of His wondrous works? How about joining with us and giving your thanks?

Learning From Old Mistakes???

This was my pastor's letter in our church's monthly newsletter for this month...

My daughters and I visited the ruins of the Austin Dam earlier this summer. Located in Potter County, not far from where I grew up, the failure of the Austin Dam and the disastrous flood that resulted on September 30, 1911, was part of our local history. But what started as a quick stop to stretch our legs as we drove home from grandma’s house, became an emotionally moving experience… and a reminder of spiritual truths.


According to the “experts” of the time, when the dam was started in 1909, it was deliberately designed backwards from conventional wisdom. The flat side of the dam wall was built to face the water and the wall’s sloped section faced downstream. The idea, supposedly, was that this would provide an even greater strength to the structure. It was claimed that this would be a “dam that could not break.” In fact, when flood survivor Marie Kathern Nuschke wrote her eyewitness account of the event almost 50 years later she entitled it: The Dam That Could Not Break.


When people would question the logic and/or the safety of the dam, the engineers and owners (and even other residents) would simply laugh and say things like: “That dam will stand when you all are dead.” Nuschke wrote that there were two people who were adamant in their concerns about the dam, Sarah Willetts and William Nelson. Not only were they summarily dismissed, but most of the rest of the community laughed at them as well. And despite their misgivings, they stayed in Austin. Later, when the flood did in fact come, they were killed as well.


As I stood there in the midst of those remains, reading names of those who died in this tragedy, I was reminded of the many times we have seen such conceit and overconfidence… with equally disastrous effect.


I’m reminded of the arrogance and pride of the builders of the Titanic who claimed that “Even God couldn’t sink this ship.” And yet, sink it did. The lack of concern over the safety of the local residents reminds me of the stories of the owners of the South Fork Club that disregarded safety warnings and their dam eventually burst and wiped out much of Johnstown, Pa. in 1889.


What did the Lord speak to me in this visit? First, just because “experts” claim something is safe or “everyone else agrees” with an idea, neither makes it safe nor right. Second, Proverbs 16:18 says “Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.” (NLT) Unbridled arrogance and pride, especially without compassion, is a disaster just waiting to happen. Third, I sensed a great deal of grief for those two people who had seen the danger and had tried to warn others, and yet did not escape. It reminded me that it’s not enough to know of the danger or even to tell others. We need to also take care of ourselves. Spiritually, it’s the same way. It’s not enough to know that there is a Hell or even to warn others, if we haven’t accepted Christ and established our own place in eternity then we won’t escape either.


Finally, as I left, I stopped at the little bridge that leads into the park and snapped this picture of Freeman Run, the water source the Austin Dam had tried to block to harness the power of the water. Yet without the proper respect and attention to its dangers, this tiny little brook caused the death of dozens. It was a reminder to me of the effect and importance of paying attention to the little things in our lives.


There was a lot for me to think about and pray about as I drove away from that memorial park that day. How about you? Can we learn from history? Or do we have to make our own mistakes every time?

Mix Pix

If a picture is truly worth a thousand words, then today will be my longest blog ever.

The first picture is my new profile picture, taken by my friend Keith as he was playing with my Palm Treo at annual conference this summer.

I think it’s one of the first pictures of me without the beard I’ve worn since the Spring of 1991. This spring, I was having so much trouble wearing the CPAP mask at night that I finally shaved off the beard just before my surgery. Because of that the mask holds a better seal and very little air can escape now… which means I sleep A LOT better! Which was pretty significant as I went into the surgery and recovery time.

And of course, here is the photographer himself, practicing his new hobby over lunch while at conference.

The final picture is of our son Josh holding a doll I bought Gay a little more than a year ago.

The ironic thing is that there were two reasons I bought her that particular doll: (1) it was called “Joshua” and (2) it looked a lot like our Joshua when he was newborn.

In fact, when it was advertised in Parade magazine in Spring 2006, friends and family from all over the place noticed the similarities and sent us the ads.

So it’s been fun for us to watch Josh sort of ‘adopt’ the “baby Joshua” and talk to him. Yesterday, baby Joshua even had to take a nap with big Joshua. And he cuddled baby Josh in his arm like Mommy has often cuddled him.

Now is that a happy child or what???!!!

My Favorite Sister

I actually only have one sister... but she's still my favorite!!!

My sister Laura actually had a chance to visit here yesterday and the day before. We didn't have a lot of time to talk, but I sure did appreciate the chance to see her.

She's shown here responding to her circumstances as we were traveling back to my house from nearby Punxsutawney yesterday.